Step Out of the Waves

If you’ve read my previous posts (Stolen Problems, Duck & Cover), you’d know that I’ve been talking about dealing with increased, prolonged levels of anxiety in my life. Today’s post is all about the freedom I’ve found from that anxiety.

I picture my struggle with anxiety as me standing in chest deep water with the shore lying just steps away and every time a wave of anxiety rolls in, it crashes down on me. I lose my footing. I’m knocked down, disoriented, feeling like I’m drowning and can’t catch my breath.

When the wave recedes, I get back up and wait for the next wave. Thinking to myself, “I have to keep getting back up.” If I stay knocked down to the ground, lying there defeated and beating myself up, I’m already at a disadvantage when the next wave comes.

In trying to manage the anxiety, I’ve just been riding out the waves. Rooted to this one spot as if I was chained, feeling as if I can’t break free. Just standing there at the mercy of the waves.

I’m knocked down over and over again. I’m exhausted but I keep getting back up. I’m determined to keep standing but all I can do is brace for the next wave and pray for strength.

And then, out of nowhere I hear:

You aren’t chained. You’re free. Why are you still standing here?

I look down and sure enough, no chains. I am free to walk away. So I do.

I turn towards the shore. I take two steps up out of the water. I look behind me and see another wave coming for me. I quickly take two more steps towards the shore.

The wave finally catches up to me and gently washes over my feet.

What had the power to kill me just four steps back is now reduced to a gentle, rolling ripple.

I see the chains for what they are now. They never were chains. What I mistakenly took for chains were actually the hands of the evil one holding me down, taking me captive. But I have been set free and I am no longer a slave to sin, depression and anxiety.

I’ve been saying it with my mouth for months (years, really) but did I believe it in my heart? I’ve been telling the evil one “Not today!” and then standing in that same spot, waiting for him to reach out to grab me.

I didn’t realize that though the waves will keep coming, I can step out of the water. I can say “Not today!” and then I have to move.

I am not chained. I am free.

I will not let the evil one hold me hostage anymore. I am free.

I will not be held down, held under or held back. I am free.

The song “Freedom” by Darrell Evans is coming to mind. We used to sing that song (and pretty much every Darrell Evans song) all the time in my Christian college campus group. I had his CDs and I’d sing this song at the top of my lungs in my car but looking back, I had no idea what this freedom felt like then. It was something I strived for and desperately wanted but didn’t know how to achieve.

Now 18 years (and a whole lot of heartache, darkness and emptiness) later, here I am with tears running down my face and thankfulness running all over my heart because who the Son has set free is free indeed. And I don’t just say it with my mouth but I’m truly claiming that promise for myself and believing it with my heart.

“It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1

“Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17

---

If you found this post encouraging, please feel free to share and I would love to hear what you think!

You can also read all of my other posts by clicking here.