Lasts and Firsts

The lasts and the firsts
And they're all happening too quickly
And these kids are growing too fast
Pretty soon they'll be gone
And the first day of Kindergarten will only be a distant memory
Can we slow down time just a little bit?
I want to hold you closer and longer
And keep you small
But you just keep growing taller and running farther
It's more than this Mama's heart can handle
And I'm reminded they were never mine to keep forever
All they've ever been are precious gifts
Entrusted to us for just a handful of years
To shape and form
To mold and grow
To love and hold
To give every bit of ourselves until we think we'll break
And then find the strength to give a little more
This tug of war that holds too tight while letting go
Until at last they're out the door
And on their own
Leaving us looking back on
The firsts and the lasts
Every frustration and every accomplishment
The good and the bad
The ups and the downs
They are what our memories are made of
Keep making the most of each one today
And every moment in between


Fatherless on Father’s Day

In Memory of Capt. Arthur Galvan, who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom in Desert Storm on January 31, 1991.

How is it possible to grieve the loss of someone I’ve never met?

I’ve asked myself this question many times over the last almost 16 years of marriage to Jason. Our wedding day. The birth of daughters. Every significant accomplishment & milestone in our lives has passed without Jason’s Dad here to share it with. I take for granted my own relationship with my Dad because I don’t know the loss Jason suffered as a young boy who lost his Dad. I’ve not yet had to bury a parent. I haven’t walked that road but I watch the pain in my husband’s eyes every time he feels the weight of being fatherless. 

Every January 31st when he marks another year without his Dad. Each November 8th comes around to see another birthday that won’t be celebrated. I watch the tears stream down his face as he remembers his Dad on Memorial Day. And today…fatherless on Father’s Day. I grieve for that empty place in his heart.

Jason is a man of integrity, determination, perseverance, loyalty & hard work but his Dad isn’t here to see it or to tell him how proud he is of the man he has become. I grieve for the missing pieces he longs for from his Dad. We’re raising girls who only know their Grandpa Galvan in name, in stories & in pictures. I grieve for that loss. 

Our lives have been blessed with many people who surround Jason with love & laughter & memories but no one can replace a Dad. Our girls have amazing relationships with the Grandpas they have in their lives but we grieve for what is missing. We know we are not the only ones facing this type of situation but the hurt feels painful just the same.

We look forward to the day where every tear will be wiped away. No more death. No more grieving. No more loss. But until that day comes we embrace the ones we have, remember the ones we’ve lost & hold tight to the memories every step of the way. 

Capt. Arthur Galvan, Air Force 11/8/57 – 1/31/91