Are there other moms out there who struggle with questioning if what they’re doing counts for anything or really matters all that much? I can relate…
On Wednesday we dropped our oldest daughter, Acacia, off at her very first overnight camp with the youth group at our church. 4 nights away from home and she made the decision to go this year even though she knows no one her age yet at youth group. (Insert all the anxious Mom feelings here.) Continue reading “A Work That Counts”
12/31/16. Last day of 2016. Looking back over the last 365 days and looking forward to the next 365 days. Thinking about my New Year’s resolutions and whether it’s even worth it or not. Thinking about how to hold on to all that I so desperately need to bring with me into 2017 and trying to figure out how to let go of everything holding me back that I somehow keep dragging with me.
My resolutions for 2017 pretty much look like the same ones I’ve set every year:
There’s something so hopeless about striving for the same thing year after year and feeling like every time you look back you’re no closer to where you wanted to be than when you started. I ask myself the same question that I just can’t seem to figure out — why do I keep letting go of what I’ve promised to hold tightly to just to find myself clinging to an empty imitation of really living?
I’m sitting here crying over time wasted, mistakes made & words spoken (yelled) that I can never take back. Even as I’m writing this, I’m interrupted by someone asking me to watch them dance and another someone wanting me to see what their toy can do. And I say, “Not now! Can’t you see I’m doing something?”
I hear a voice in my head say, “Resolutions are not met by writing them on paper. Be what you have resolved to be.”
I set my pin down and apologize (again) that Mom doesn’t get it right as much as she should. And I ask the dancer to dance. And I tell the little one I would love to see her toy. And I pray that as they grow they will not just see all the places I’m weak and all the ways I blow it every day but they would see a woman with brokenness and insecurities in desperate need of her Savior, who kept persevering and kept trying to get it right no matter how many times she foolishly let go of what matters most.
This New Year’s Eve I won’t just be setting goals and making resolutions but I’m resolving to be the woman God has called me to be. A woman after His heart and His purpose for my life. A woman who wants to be healthier so she chooses to live healthier. A woman that is already the exact Mom for these girls that God knew they would need. A woman who struggles with being validated, accepted, liked and seen by every single person she meets on this journey but who is learning to rest in the validation, acceptance and love of a God who knows her deeply, sees her fully and in His faithfulness has promised to hold tightly to her…regardless of what was or wasn’t accomplished in 2016.
Another fresh start is on the horizon and I want to make the most of the time I have been given. I resolve to live.
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Shining His Light 