I randomly came across a TobyMac video recently that was posted last year. He was at a concert sharing how he has the hope of seeing his firstborn son again because God gave His firstborn Son for our salvation. Then he sang the song “21 years” that he wrote after his son died. I watched the video through twice and found myself crying SO many tears.
I’d previously seen the “21 Years” music video 2 years ago and cried so hard every time because what if that was me? What if I lost one of my kids? Would I be able to stand up on a stage and share the hope of God’s gift of salvation? I know he can only do that because of God’s unimaginable strength and mercy.
But immediately, the voice of shame started talking in my ear:
“You haven’t gone through anything as tragic as that and you can’t even pray or go to church. What’s your excuse? What reason do you have for freezing God out and always going numb? Why don’t you get up and get on with your life? Get off the couch and start doing something!”
Here’s what I love about the things I’ve learned in my recent journey to a healthier me. Instead of embracing the shame lecture going through my head…
I pictured God sitting down beside me on the couch.
A reminder that He always meets us where we’re at. He doesn’t push us to be more than we are until He knows we’re ready. He sits besides us and gives us the strength to get up when the time is right.
This 4 year journey I’ve been on of learning, unlearning and letting go has taught me there will ALWAYS be opportunities to choose between shame and a slightly gentler approach.
Especially when things don’t go as planned.
When life falls apart. When the picture in our head doesn’t match the reality we’re facing. When we feel like giving up.
When depression seems to cling and joy feels unattainable.
A slightly gentler approach can be hard to find.
But when I picture God sitting beside me on the couch, I feel loved.
I feel seen and understood.
I feel reassured that He’s not just a God who loves us while we were a long way off but He’s also a God who runs to us. Just to be with us.
I feel overwhelmed at the overflowing and unending amount of patience He has for me.
I feel the hope of a brighter tomorrow bubbling up inside of me. Drowning out the voice of shame.
I feel inclined to be more loving to myself. To be more understanding and patient with myself.
A slightly gentler approach…
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Shining His Light 